25 March 2025

As we draw to the close of what has been a high-paced, yet most successful term, it is always good to pause and consider all that has been, and what is to come. It is often very tempting to “crawl” to the end of a term, exhausted from all that life has thrown at us, and not take advantage of the opportunity to reflect. Reflection is critical if we are to grow as people, and even more so, if we are to continue to guide and mentor our children. The world that we live in moves at a rapid pace, with instantaneous answers and information at our fingertips on a daily basis. It is a world aimed at multitasking at speed, and dealing with many pressures from all angles. Reflection involves removing oneself from such a space in order to create an opportunity for meaningful deliberation and thought. Unfortunately, life makes this difficult, but not impossible. If we prioritise growth and what is best for ourselves, our children and our families, then we will make time to engage in worthwhile and honest reflection.

As a school, we encourage every parent to include the following three critical issues in your time of reflection with your children:

1. To what degree have we allowed screens to become part and parcel of our child’s daily life. We are most concerned of the reports that we receive on a daily basis of how many of our pupils (many in the younger grades) are gaining access to various social media platforms (ie. TikTok, Instagram and YouTube) on their personal devices, or the device of a parent. Many parents are unaware of this exposure to social media, or are oblivious to the inherent dangers of their child being exposed to such online content. In addition, online gaming is presenting opportunities for young pupils to meet complete
strangers over the internet – another concerning and frightening threat.

Limiting screen time in your child’s life often results in friction in the home, however, the  consequences of unlimited screen time or access to social media sites are far more harmful than the possible temporary upheaval caused by a parent enforcing healthy digital boundaries.

Let us not for one second doubt the fact that unhealthy exposure to social media platforms, and excessive screen time, are two of the biggest threats facing our children’s emotional, social and intellectual development. Sadly, many parents do no not seem to have the energy, determination or interest to stand in the gap for their children and fight these threats. This failure is resulting in catastrophic consequences for our young people. As a Clarries Family, let us be parents who are not scared to parent, and who are not scared to enforce healthy boundaries. The futures of our children are dependent on our actions.

Please take time these holidays to reflect honestly and meaningfully on where your child is at in terms of screen time, and exposure to online content. As psychologist, Dr Jocelyn Brewer reminds us: we need to be mindful, moderate, and meaningful in the way we use our screens.

Dr Justin Coulson (a leading Australian parenting expert) recently included the following tips on where to start in terms of the enormous threat posed by social media and screen time on our children:

• Monitor your kids’ online activities
• Talk to them regularly (and listen twice as much)
• Minimise screen time and foster face to face relationships
• Spend more time together as a family
• Make sure that your child gets enough sleep (and does not lie under the covers, concealing the light from their cell phone screen)
• Know where your kids are
• Ensure they have access to great adults who care about them
• Tell them the three most important words they can hear: Not I love you… but the next three: no matter what. They need to know they’re worthy of your love. Always.

A few interesting and informative reads in this regard can be found at:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teens-and-social-media-use/art-20474437

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/dangers-of-social-media-for-youth

https://jocelynbrewer.com/the-three-ms-of-digital-nutrition/

https://happyfamilies.com.au/articles/digital-kids

2. We encourage each one of us to reflect on kindness these holidays. Are we actively teaching our children to be kind? Are we regularly talking about being a person of empathy and understanding with our children? What are we doing to ensure that our child is being someone who builds others up, and does not make comments or acts in a way that breaks their peers down?

There is a sad and worrying trend in the world right now (due, amongst other factors, to the influence of social media and a few current world leaders) that pushes the idea that life should always revolve around oneself: “I am the most important person and that it’s all about me”.

This mode of thinking could not be further removed from what we stand for at Clarendon Park. Our children are being bombarded from so many angles by messages that support narrow-minded, selfish and self-absorbed behavior. What are we as parents doing to fight against this? Are our social media habits supporting this bombardment, or standing up against it? When we use our own social media platforms as a continuous “brag book”, and use our children’s actions and achievements (big, and sometimes very small) to gain as much online attention as possible, let us never underestimate the knock-on effect in terms of our children’s priorities and personality development.

Bragging about oneself, trying to step on others to get ahead, reminding others of what we have achieved, are qualities that should be guarded against at all costs. Reflecting on our efforts in this regard is crucial for our children’s healthy growth and development.

Unfortunately, children who are not actively taught and mentored to be kind, considerate and selfless, end up causing a great deal of hurt in the lives of others. We should never be too busy or not interested in having these conversations with our children.

3. Take time these holidays to reflect on your child’s academic performance. Please remember that reflection and criticism are complete opposites. Allow your child to openly share their thoughts on how their schoolwork has gone during the past term, and whether they feel that they are working to their full potential. Allow them to be open and honest about their academic frustrations and concerns. Don’t judge. Just listen. And if things have not gone well this term, guide them as they put a plan in place to remedy the concerns. But be the parent – be reasonable and realistic in your expectations – but don’t be afraid to stand against mediocrity and apathy (which is sadly becoming somewhat of a cult-like attitude in our society). Healthy academic performance is not possible without healthy boundaries, and it is us as parents who need to enforce those boundaries.

Our kids live busy, active lives, and they need guidance as to how to find balance, how to plan, how to use their time wisely, and how to work smart. They also need a little prodding (and sometimes more than a gentle nudge) to hit the ground running when it comes to their studies, and not wait for the end of a term to apply themselves.

These are three areas which we feel would benefit from a great deal of reflection, family discussion, and open and honest conversation. And even better if this happened around the dinner table, with no screens in sight (including our own). Studies consistently show that regular family meals are linked to improved academic performance, better mental health, reduced risky behaviours, and stronger family relationships, as well as healthier eating habits. An interesting article in this regard can be found at: https://www.parents.com/recipes/tips/unexpected-benefits-of-eating-together-as-a-family-according-to-science/

May these holidays be a meaningful and productive time for positive and healthy reflection, which can only benefit your child in every possible way.

29 January 2024

Last week I was sitting in our Junior Quad before the start of school, chatting to a few of our new Grade 1 pupils. It is always incredibly refreshing chatting to these young 6 year olds, who are right at the start of their school career, and who see the world very differently to us oldies. Their honest optimism, and expressed joy for the simple things of life can teach us so much. I asked a few Grade 1’s what the highlight of their year had been thus far. Expecting some wonderful feedback about their first few days of school, or their new school uniform, or something about the start of their schooling career, I received the following responses:

• Two Grade 1 twins told me that their highlight had been receiving their new hamsters – also twins, named “Fuzzball” and “Furball”;
• Another Grade 1 told me that her highlight had been meeting a grey cat over the weekend, named “Ginger” (the contradiction did not seem to bother her);
• My next young friend proudly told me that her highlight had been falling off her bike, and that her knee was grazed and a different colour.

No deep pedagogical or educationally philosophical input, and no life changing revelations about school life. Rather a stark reminder that the simple, often ignored experiences are the most important. That we learn so much, and receive so much joy from that which we tend to often rush past in the busyness of life. That sometimes we as adults, focus on our perceived priorities in terms of what we believe a young person should be focusing on, and should be pursuing. However, what is often needed is a reminder that the simple things are equally, if not more important, than the complex ones. I suppose it boils down to what our priorities are, because often we prioritise that which we think is so important, however, it is the basics, the so called “smaller details” that really make a difference at the end of the day.

And so, as we start a new year, maybe it’s worth our while to pause, and take a moment to reflect on our basics, to check out our priorities, and to ensure that our children, ourselves, and our families, are spending enough time on the vitally important, yet often ignored “smaller details”. Our time is hogged by that which we deem to be a priority, and if we are brutally honest, our priorities are more than often dominated by that which the world tells us is important. Sadly, the world often deems the basics, the simple things to be irrelevant and not worthy of our attention.

Possibly, we all need to check our priority lists, and ensure that some of the following basics are in place:

• Are we eating supper together as a family at least 3 to 4 times a week. No technology, no interruptions. Just healthy conversation and time together (regardless of what’s on the menu). For some, this may be a daunting prospect, but the consequences of ignoring this family activity are far more daunting. If you are not convinced, chat to a family where all the children have finished high school, and left home. Time together as a family is a privilege, not a chore.
• Children need time to play. To spend time being a person of their age. Free from technology and free from stress. Just playing in an age appropriate manner. It is our responsibility as the adults in their lives to create such opportunities. If we allow their schedules to become so busy that time to play is not an option, then we have let them down.
• Are we being proactive in terms of monitoring the use of technology by our children? If not, then we must brace ourselves for the inevitable destructive consequences. Age appropriate use of technology could be one of the most important and critical aspects of the growth and development of the modern child. Putting effective boundaries in place with regards to technology (as exhausting as this may sometimes be) may be one of the kindest things that you ever do for your child.
• Children need spiritual input in their lives. As parents, we need to determine the nature of such input, however, to neglect the spiritual growth of a child is to neglect the child.
• Another simple basic, is doing something together as a family at least twice a month. Whether it be going to the beach, walking the dogs, going for a walk, having an ice cream together, or playing a board game as a family – this time together is invaluable. Pre-teens and teenagers may protest at this idea. Don’t give in. Stand your ground. They will thank you later.
• Prioritise kindness in our homes. Our children model their behavior on us. They imitate us. Their language development, and character growth need to be molded by those at home (and not those on social media). We all need to take a moment to take stock of the words, the attitudes, the thoughts we express around our children, and ensure that they are constructive, and not destructive.
• Be honest with ourselves about our own digital habits, and the example that we are setting for the young people in our lives. Living our lives through our phones, and desperately seeking validation on our social media pages, will send a message to our children that we may live to regret.

As 2024 roars into life, I really hope that each one of us makes the time to revisit our priority lists, and that we all make an effort to ensure that the simple, yet essential things are given preference, and not forgotten about in the pursuit of all that the world often deems important.

Have a happy, peaceful and wonderful year, full of life’s simple, yet beautiful moments!

19th May 2023

During the 1st Term I was reminded of the true value that sport plays in the life of a child. In our overly competitive world, where results are seen as the holy grail, and take precedence over all else, we need to be regularly reminded of why, we as a school, play the sports we love and cherish. On a sunny afternoon, I sat watching one of our Under 11 cricket teams play a match against a local school. We were batting, and the match was evenly poised, with a great deal of nail-biting taking place along the boundary (by very nervous parents). The fielding team took a wicket, tilting the game in their favour, and in strode our new batsman (no doubt with visions of match winning glory etched on his mind). He took his mark, and before he knew it, the bowler had bowled the yorker of the century, and his middle stump was cartwheeling towards the slips.

Totally dejected, and clearly carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, the batsman began the dreaded long walk off the field, no doubt fearing the reaction of his team-mates. As he reached the half-way mark of his lonely walk, a remarkable thing happened. His team-mates came out to meet him, on masse. They wrapped their arms around him, and escorted him off the field, clearly realizing that he needed all of their support and understanding. No moaning at him, no blame or victimization for how the team suffered because of his wicket. Just pure and unbridled sportsmanship, camaraderie, and having your team-mates back. Looking around, there were a few parents (mostly Dads), who seconds earlier were cursing the batsman under their breath, and who were now aware that they were witnessing a golden reminder of the true essence of sport.

I don’t remember who won the cricket match, and I doubt whether any of the players do either. In fact, it is likely that the parents don’t recall the outcome, or even who the opposition team was. But no-one will forget the life lessons that we all learnt that day, and that we were once again reminded that life lessons trump results.

The 2nd incident took place at an inter-schools C-League Gala – a busy affair, with young people from all walks of life, many different schools, coming together and enjoying a good old-fashioned gala. There were no prizes for podium finishes, and finishing the race, overcoming the starters gun, and the hype and fervor of the crowd, were top of each participants agenda. A particular race caught my attention – 25m of one of the strokes. In the far lane swam a young lady who clearly was giving it her all, and was unbelievably determined to finish the race. She paused now and then, to look up and see how far she still had to go, and pausing around the mid-way mark, it was clear to her that the other swimmers had already finished.

A lady then appeared out of the crowd, and slowly and sensitively walked alongside the lane, quietly encouraging and motivating her. It was the swimmers mom. There was no doubt that every eye in the packed pool area was on the swimmer and her mom. As she reached the end of the pool, the crowd erupted, as if she had just won a gold medal at the Olympics. Once again, no-one remembers who won the race, what the time was, or even what stroke they were swimming. But we will all never forget the image of someone overcoming a huge obstacle in her life, being supported by someone who dearly loves her, and of a crowd recognizing the fact that finishing the race was far more important than the outcome.

And so as we descend into our winter sporting season, where early Saturday mornings, and dew laced fields become the norm, it is my hope and prayer that we will make every effort to remember that sport offers our young people the most incredible opportunities to grow and learn, and that very few other pursuits will offer such valuable lessons. Being part of a team, learning to support each other through thick and thin, and just participating, are such important aspects of healthy development. We should never underestimate how significant it is for our young people to feel included, recognized, and valued – taking part in an extra-mural activity is a fertile field where these critical concepts can be nurtured and grown.

I just hope that we as adults don’t mess up these golden opportunities.

Our job is to support, to guide, to nurture, and to be the reminders of what truly is important. It is not our job to relive our golden sporting days through our children, nor to insist that our children achieve on the sportsfield what we were never able to accomplish. It is our job to be bigger than what the scoreboard says; it is our role to show restraint and tolerance when a call goes against our team; and to always remind our children to stay humble in victory, and gracious in defeat. And it is good to be reminded that our children learn far more from what they see us doing, than what we say to them.

As adults, we need to make a conscientious decision about how we approach our child’s sporting endeavors. We need to decide whether we will join the popular masses, and pay homage to the “winning at all costs “mentality. Or will we be brave enough to help our precious children become better humans through their sporting escapades.

Encourage them to play their heart out, to never give up, and to give it their all – absolutely. But how we support, how we behave on the touchlines, and the words we use, especially during and after the match, will remain embedded in our child’s mind forever. May those deeply impactful words be ones that we choose wisely, and not ones that we live to regret.

8 September 2022

I was recently at a well-known local restaurant, waiting to collect a take-away. I could not help notice a family sitting at a nearby table, a mom and dad, and two children (around 11 to 12 years of age). To my dismay, both young children sat engrossed in their tablets, whilst mom and dad chatted away. Once again, I was reminded of how technology has invaded our lives, and of the sad reality, that in many cases, we have become slaves to the devices around us. How sad that a wonderful occasion, such as a family meal, should be overruled by an unhealthy obsession with a screen. Some may argue that at least the parents had a chance to chat, and the kids were happy – that response says a great deal about where we are as a society. I am immensely concerned about the dangerous amount of exposure that so many of our young people have to screens, and the concerning avenues that they lead down. The age at which our children are being exposed to various forms of social media is getting younger and younger, and the amount of time that they are spending on social media is growing exponentially. There is no doubt that our younger generation is facing a threat of mammoth proportions by way of the technology around them, and that unless we, as the adults guiding and mentoring them, take urgent action, this threat will wreak havoc for many years to come. Many might state that I am being overly dramatic – clearly the accidental deaths of a number of young people around the world who participated in a “TikTok” “Blackout Challenge” prove otherwise. Almost on a daily basis, we encounter the disturbing consequences of our young people having uncontrolled and unsupervised access to various forms of social media. This may be due to a number of reasons, but regardless of the cause, the consequences of such exposure are always damaging. Children are unable to interpret and comprehend messages from social media sites containing graphically explicit content. They are neurologically not developed enough to discern and to digest such material, and their young minds are able to absorb all that they see and hear, but are unable to safely understand and discern that which they are exposed to. It is common knowledge that social media can be extremely addictive, and also robs our children of vital time that should be spent on child centred activities. Children as young as 9 and 10 are been given their own smart phones, and often have very little restrictions placed on them in terms of social media access. Quite frankly, this is unacceptable and borders on neglect. So what are we to do to stop this wave that is engulfing our young generation? It is imperative that we collectively take a stand and assert our parental authority where it is so desperately needed. To argue that our lives are too busy and that we can’t cope with the stress of managing our children’s screen time, does simply not cut it. If urgent sacrifices need to be made to put measures in place to control our children’s use of technology, then surely such sacrifices are worth it. As a school, we empathise with parents raising children in this digital age, and we understand the myriad of challenges that technology causes a parent to face. Our role is to work in partnership with parents, and to provide resources and support so that our precious pupils can be mentored and nurtured in a meaningful and positive manner. It is however critical, that every parent realizes that laying down firm and non-negotiable boundaries in terms of the use of technology starts at home. It is our hope that every parent will take this responsibility seriously, and put measures in place to ensure that their child is exposed to technology and social media in an age appropriate manner. Just as much as a chemical that has addictive potential is controlled by a medical prescription, and is kept under lock and key… so too should we as parents be controlling and restricting our children’s access to technology. Over the next few weeks, we will be making various resources available to parents, which will hopefully assist in understanding the technological and social media threats faced by our children, and provide guidance in terms of laying down healthy boundaries. These resources will be distributed via the class WhatsApp groups, and the D6 Connect App. As a start, please see the list of resources at the end of this blog. It is my sincere belief that one of the greatest threats to the wellbeing, and emotional health of our young people is the dangers of over exposure to various forms of technology and the unrestricted access to social media platforms. Technology and social media programmes have many positive attributes – of this there is no doubt; however, unguided and unchecked use by a young mind, will lead to devastating consequences. As a Clarries Family, it is my sincere hope that we will, together, educate, equip and lead our children through this mine field, so that they emerge as healthy, wholesome and happy young adults.

Additional Resources:

1. The Digital Law Company: A guide to the Google Family Link App – an easy to use and comprehensive tool to manage your child’s device: https://www.thedigitallawco.com/smartphones/googles-family-link-appeverything-parents-need-to-know/

2. The Digital Law Company: A parent’s guide to apps and social media: https://www.thedigitallawco.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/180629_Parentsguide-to-apps-and-social-media.pdf

3. Focus on the Family: Your Teens Need You, Not More Screen Time: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/your-teens-need-you-not-morescreen-time/

21st June 2022

I recently lost a very good friend whom I have known for 35 years. We were at school and university together, and he left behind an amazing wife, and two beautiful young daughters. His passing came as an enormous shock, and the void he has left behind is immeasurable. His memorial service was marked by incredible tributes from family, friends and work colleagues. An incredible man taken too early from us. As one begins to trudge through the dark and muddy waters of grief, one of the natural consequences is to questions one’s own priorities, and to take an honest look within. That which we often don’t want to focus on, is laid bare by the brutal light that emanates from such a tragedy. Such a devastating loss causes one to possibly reconsider all that grabs one’s attention, and to be reminded in an unsubtle way, that nothing is guaranteed in this life, and that each day is a gift (regardless of the cliché label that such a statement carries). And so my mind is drawn towards our role as parents, and to the decisions we make each day with regards to our time, our resources, our energy and our priorities. My guess is that anyone who has left this life, would have a very different outlook on these factors if they were given a second chance. And so I am challenged to be brave enough to question what receives most of my attention. To somehow find the courage to be completely honest about the balls that I juggle in my life: do the glass balls (those that cannot be dropped) get my closest attention and care? And to truly realise that if I drop a glass ball, it will never be the same (regardless of how I convince myself otherwise). The world has a knack of convincing us that glass balls such as family, health, relationships and our spiritual lives, can always be repaired and restored back to prime condition. Sadly, there are countless examples that prove otherwise. Losing someone close to you presents a painful opportunity to reflect. Failing to do so is somewhat disrespectful to the one you’ve lost. And so my meandering thoughts (as outlined above) are part of such reflection, and maybe there are others who too will be encouraged to reflect. To reflect on:  Does my family more than not, get the best of me, or what’s left of me at the end of a day’s work? (a difficult one to face with the excessive demands placed on so many of us) A question that has life changing consequences  As hard it sometimes may be, do my children get my full and energized attention when I am around them?  When I get home, do the worries of the day become more important than the needs of those at home? Am I able to leave the cell phone alone, and to give my undivided attention to those that need it. Or have I convinced myself (erroneously) that I can listen to my child and look at my phone at the same time – and he or she won’t notice?  If I am too tired to read with, or to my child at the end of the day, am I brave enough, disciplined enough, or strong enough to put measures in place to make sure that I have the energy needed?  Do my children see me putting life’s important priorities into action, and not just hear me speaking about them?  Am I insistent on us eating together as a family on a regular basis (where I take the lead in turning off all devices), or have I given into the lie that this critical practice is not really that important. All of the above tough questions involve sacrifices, as I may not be able to do all the things that I want to do. But the cost of not making the sacrifice, of not finding the time and energy, are far more grave and disastrous than any small sacrifice that I have to make. And as I contemplate the sacrifices needed, I also need to honestly reflect on the boundaries that I am putting in place. A child cannot develop to his or her potential, and become a young person of integrity and humility without boundaries put in place by loving hands. It is sometimes easier not to put boundaries in place, but the consequences will bring about much anguish and hurt. Our children desperately need us to be fully present in their lives. Nothing can, and ever should, replace that presence. Getting this right will involve many of us having to stare down the demands around us, and make the difficult choices. But it’s worth it.